Post by gbw on Sept 13, 2015 16:17:51 GMT -5
Yahoo Games
Long before game companies could market to you quickly and easily on Facebook or Youtube, they had to come up with attention-grabbing, old-fashioned print ads. Often little more than pictures of people with horrifically contorted facial expressions somehow meant to indicate enjoyment, they remain just as baffling today.
Combing through decades of game ads, you’ll find enough material about gamer self-image, “extreme” culture, and frustrated sexuality to fuel a dozen dissertations. Or you could just point at these fifteen ridiculous ads and laugh.
Diamond Monster 3D
Fun fact: 1 out of every 6 video game ads from the 1990s features a guy screaming.
GEnie Multiplayer Games
Is this supposed to encourage us to play games with humans instead of computer chips? Because the further I am from this googly-eyed serial killer, the better.
Touchdown
Maybe lay off the insults and I will, in fact, wake up and smell the pigskin. Is that Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Unreal
Gross. REAL gross.
Savage
A bodybuilding Stephen Hawking? This game is gonna be awesome! Oh, wait – it’s just another game about a barbarian. Meh.
ZPC
This ad for “hyper-violent adult action game” ZPC hits the totally offensive trifecta by sticking Hitler, Lenin, and Jesus on the same page. Though I guess a game that puts players in the sandals of a “4th generation Psionic War Messiah” probably doesn’t care so much about offending people.
S3D/Diamond Multimedia
Pure. Nightmare. Fuel.
Girlfriend
First of all, how did she get in there? Second of all, I don’t think the people who created this ad understand how girlfriends work. They definitely understand how to be creepy, though.
Delta V
He’s jacking into the ‘Net! Riding the digital datastreams! Blazing trails in a virtual vortex! Yup, it’s the mid-90s, the ad copywriter has delusions of being William Gibson, and the dude with the blue eyes may or may not be Ted from accounting.
Daikatana
Never has ‘pride goeth before a fall’ been more succinctly illustrated than in this legendarily obnoxious ad for John Romero’s ill-fated shooter, Daikatana. The game was a flop, but to his credit, Romero later fessed up. “That stupid ad. I regret it and I apologize for it,” he said.
Wingman Warrior Joystick
Daikatana wasn’t John Romero’s only embarrassing video game ad work. I mean, those pants, John. And that face. And those pants.
Pipe Mania
So we’re totally on board with the harried-looking cartoon plumber on the bottom half of the ad. What’s disconcerting is the gray, screaming head floating behind him. Apparently, he’s experiencing “Addiction beyond belief!!” This doesn’t make us want to buy the game.
Spaceward Ho!
Slim Pickens riding a gleaming space shark while lassoing the Earth. With an illustration like that, does anyone even care if the game’s any good? Sold!
Marathon 2
Before Halo, game maker Bungie worked on this brilliant series of 1990s first-person shooters. This ad? Not so much brilliant as totally unsettling and thoroughly impractical. You should probably use both hands to play Marathon, creepy guy.
Ballz
From the “Xtreme” font to the character’s wacky facial expression to the fifth-grade, double-entendre title, this ad’s practically a who’s-who of annoying video game marketing.
Combing through decades of game ads, you’ll find enough material about gamer self-image, “extreme” culture, and frustrated sexuality to fuel a dozen dissertations. Or you could just point at these fifteen ridiculous ads and laugh.
Diamond Monster 3D
Fun fact: 1 out of every 6 video game ads from the 1990s features a guy screaming.
GEnie Multiplayer Games
Is this supposed to encourage us to play games with humans instead of computer chips? Because the further I am from this googly-eyed serial killer, the better.
Touchdown
Maybe lay off the insults and I will, in fact, wake up and smell the pigskin. Is that Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
Unreal
Gross. REAL gross.
Savage
A bodybuilding Stephen Hawking? This game is gonna be awesome! Oh, wait – it’s just another game about a barbarian. Meh.
ZPC
This ad for “hyper-violent adult action game” ZPC hits the totally offensive trifecta by sticking Hitler, Lenin, and Jesus on the same page. Though I guess a game that puts players in the sandals of a “4th generation Psionic War Messiah” probably doesn’t care so much about offending people.
S3D/Diamond Multimedia
Pure. Nightmare. Fuel.
Girlfriend
First of all, how did she get in there? Second of all, I don’t think the people who created this ad understand how girlfriends work. They definitely understand how to be creepy, though.
Delta V
He’s jacking into the ‘Net! Riding the digital datastreams! Blazing trails in a virtual vortex! Yup, it’s the mid-90s, the ad copywriter has delusions of being William Gibson, and the dude with the blue eyes may or may not be Ted from accounting.
Daikatana
Never has ‘pride goeth before a fall’ been more succinctly illustrated than in this legendarily obnoxious ad for John Romero’s ill-fated shooter, Daikatana. The game was a flop, but to his credit, Romero later fessed up. “That stupid ad. I regret it and I apologize for it,” he said.
Wingman Warrior Joystick
Daikatana wasn’t John Romero’s only embarrassing video game ad work. I mean, those pants, John. And that face. And those pants.
Pipe Mania
So we’re totally on board with the harried-looking cartoon plumber on the bottom half of the ad. What’s disconcerting is the gray, screaming head floating behind him. Apparently, he’s experiencing “Addiction beyond belief!!” This doesn’t make us want to buy the game.
Spaceward Ho!
Slim Pickens riding a gleaming space shark while lassoing the Earth. With an illustration like that, does anyone even care if the game’s any good? Sold!
Marathon 2
Before Halo, game maker Bungie worked on this brilliant series of 1990s first-person shooters. This ad? Not so much brilliant as totally unsettling and thoroughly impractical. You should probably use both hands to play Marathon, creepy guy.
Ballz
From the “Xtreme” font to the character’s wacky facial expression to the fifth-grade, double-entendre title, this ad’s practically a who’s-who of annoying video game marketing.